I grew up in a tiny town in Maine and always felt weird and different. I am not sure if it was because I was dyslexic, gay, and overweight – but for whatever reason, I felt like an outsider. I never watched comedy growing up, but was interested in entertainment. It was an escape to a bigger world…
CHAPTER ONE: BOBBY BROWN FRAMED ME FOR THEFT
In high-school, I spent a summer interning at a hip – hop recording studio in Boston. I got the internship by pretending to call an employee back, once I got through I said, I’LL DO ANYTHING to work for you!!!!”
He must have been disappointed when a little boyish lesbian waddled in…
One time, Bobby Brown stole a DVD from the lounge. It was rented from Blockbuster. I was such a little country bumpkin, I went to Blockbuster and said “Hey, we didn’t lose the DVD, Bobby Brown took it! So can we not be accountable?”
For some reason…they thought that was a lie.
CHAPTER TWO: THE GRANNY GRIP DEBACLE
I went to college. Loved it, did great. That sounded very Trump of me, I am just putting it in there because I did poorly in high-school. I was so amped after graduation,“anything is possible!” I decided to take a day job doing whatever, and attempt to become an inventor (like my great grandfather – Joseph William, it worked for him, me…NOT SO MUCH).
Just for a visual, my day job was recruiting high end construction executives. Is that a thing? I am still not sure.
Once, someone told me they tried to invent THE MORANGE, a bigger orange. That person was my manager (at the time). That means the same person who believed the MORANGE is a good idea was also like, “Emma Willmann is going to be BIG.” I am the morange comedian.
My invention was called STOP THE SCUFF, it was a clear plastic material that prevents the pants from scuffing. The one I pursued was called “The Granny Grip.” It was a plastic glove old woman could ware when they are getting in the tub to help them GRIP it and not slip. “Don’t want your granny to slip? Invest in the granny grip!”
After “The Granny Grip,” went up in flames, I was depressed. I had spent my whole life going “I will do this to get this, and this to get this!” not having a focus made me feel like I had no meaning! Thats very privileged but, it is what it is.
After Granny Grip, I went to a party and saw a girl doing stand-up. The next week I signed up for a comedy class. I started in Boston, going to open mics. I even entered a contest where I was heckled for “looking weird.” I remember walking around that night and crying. I vowed then and there if I kept with comedy, I would win that competition. And I did, the next year. I only say that to say…HAH.
PHASE THREE: NOTHING IS EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING IS SOMETHING.
I moved to Boston to go to graduate school. Really I went for comedy, but going to school and working as a lab monitor at the school made for a cushy transition. I snuck out and went to open mics, and skipped any and all social events to “try and make it in showbiz!”
When I graduated I was so fucking tired – my parents begged me to try something else. And, I did. I moved back to Boston, stopped comedy, and had my friend who’s an actress pretend to be my old boss. Within five days I had a job selling educational travel to teachers in Ohio.
Not to sound like a psychopath, but, I felt like I wasn’t manifesting my spiritual destiny.
I missed entertainment, and luckily got very fired. I have been back trying to make it as hard as I can. I am giving everything here to try and be really great, and facilitate people having fun, learning, and whatever the fuck to make life a little easier (for myself included).
If you are interested in credits, these are all things that happened in the past six month. My goal is to scale my problems and double everything every year. For example, if one year the problem is “I did not get into Just for Laughs Comedy Festival,” the next year the problem needs to be “I got in but wish I said this differently in my set.”
For me, it’s never about what I GET (that’s my job) it’s about what I turn it into. If I get a project and do not turn it into other opportunities, it was a failure. Nothing is everything but everything is something.
PHASE FOUR: I DO ACTUALLY HAVE SOME CREDITS
I was on tour with Louie CK after he saw me at The Comedy Cellar, Judd Apatow cast me in Crashing after seeing me live, I did a guest spot on NPR’s Prairie Home Companion, have a show on MTV2 and am the Friday co-host of the popular morning show Wake Up with Taylor! On SiriusXM 109 Starz. I also have my own monthly show The Check Spot on SiriusXM Raw Dog Radio.
P.S WHY I MIGHT LOOK FAMILIAR?
Despite all this stuff, the reason I might look familiar is because I WAS IN AN AD for a stove. Thats the truth.